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How to start living a fear-free life

Today’s post is from our Senior Editor, Rachel Kempton

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~ Nelson Mandela

If we could wave a magic wand and remove all your fears – every single one of them – how different would your life be? What would you do?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since my grandpa got ill. At the ripe old age of 88 he might be frail and suffering with a brain tumour, but as he looks back on his life, he’s as positive as ever about the amazing experiences he’s had and the valuable lessons he’s learnt along the way. He talks with so much passion and pride about his adventures, for example: how he rose through the ranks to become Captain in the army and took big risks for high rewards in business; how he travelled the world and bought a 27ft yacht which he sailed around Holland, and how he taught himself to play the piano and he even wrote a book about his experiences so our family have a record of the life and times enjoyed by his generation. “I’ve had the most wonderful life,” he always says, “I’ve no regrets. None whatsoever.”

FullSizeRender-3Self published: my grandpa’s book. He always says ‘life’s not bad’  – it’s his way of saying ‘life is wonderful’

It must feel amazing to be able to look back at your life and know that you have achieved everything you wanted to. You must feel immense satisfaction and inner peace knowing that regardless of how scared you might have felt, or how worried you were about the impact of your choices, you were brave enough to follow your dreams and live the life you imagined.

As John Lennon puts it: “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

Fear can be a good thing – if we choose to see it that way

It doesn’t matter whether you are a first-time parent, an aspiring traveller or a seasoned athlete, every single one of us is afraid of something. Fear is a tricky emotion. It can paralyze you. It can keep you from your dreams. It can keep you small, safe and comfortable. At yet, in just the right doses, it can also be your friend.

Or fears can be our greatest source of power, our biggest motivation and our best teachers. What they need is love. Fear only grows when you let it consume you and that usually happens when we forget how helpful it is trying to be. Ultimately, fear really does want the best for us, no matter how irrational it may seem.

Embrace the four Cs

  1. Clarity: Of course it’s only natural that we want to deny, run from and ignore the things that scare us, but the first step in dealing with fear is to recognize that it is inevitable. Keep a clear and objective mind and it is possible to move through fear and overcome it. Just stay focused on what you want to achieve, and what you’re doing to get there.
  2. Choice: when you choose to make friends with fear you open yourself up to a whole new world of possibility. Think about all the fantastic opportunities that could come your way if you can find the courage to expand your horizons.
  3. Confidence: it may take a huge amount of strength, but when it comes to facing your fears it helps to be in the know. Preparing in advance – whether it be with information, physical training, psychological help and support, or by improving your skills or level of experience – will help you keep your cool and maintain a sense of control when the going gets tough.
  4. Character building: remember that we can only grow if we have the courage to challenge ourselves. When we face our fears we become better versions of ourselves.

As you face your fears and increase your freedom and happiness by allowing your dreams to become a reality, the good life is inevitable. So ask yourself this: what would I do today, if I were brave?

Need more inspiration? We love these books about bravery…

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Top 10 ways to say no and save time

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This is a guest post by one of the UK’s leading experts in digital distraction and digital detox and author of The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, Frances Booth. Find out more about Frances here.

One time management technique we don’t use enough is simply saying no. We’re quick to say yes, giving away our time, then we wonder why we have no time left for what we want.

If you find your diary is full, or full of things you don’t want to do, then it’s time to start saying no – nicely.

People ask for our time every single day. And if we give our time away to everyone who asks for it, we end up feeling frazzled, tired and grumpy. Often it doesn’t occur to us that we have the option to simply say no.

It’s much rarer for someone to thank us for our time. But when they do, it reminds us that our time is valuable, and we need to learn to value it too.

Learning when and how to say no is a way of valuing and managing our time.

When we say no to one thing, in effect we’re also saying yes to something else. This might be yes to time to recharge, sleep and renew our energy. It might be yes to some thinking space. It might be yes to more time for ourselves, or yes to time for the people and things that matter to us.

Here are 10 key things to think about for when the answer needs to be no.

1. Something has to give

We can’t say yes to every invitation, request, message, question or demand we get – something has to give. So what should we say no to?

Look at what or who you’re saying yes to at the minute. What or who (including yourself) does that mean you are then you saying no to? Is your diary full of things that fill you with great anticipation? If not, how can you make it so? What do you need to start saying no to? Look at how you spend your time, including time online. Are you happy with what you are saying yes to by how you spend your time?

2. Instant answer

Often we make poor decisions when we’re distracted, overloaded and too busy. Perhaps you recognise them … those things you say yes to, and then instantly regret. What happens next? We try and backtrack, spending far too long undoing the commitment or rescheduling, using up extra time before the event has even happened. Or, the appointment sits in our diary like a black cloud, and we spend time wishing we didn’t have to go.

Next time you feel pressure to give an instant answer, stop. Log out of your email or leave the room. Shut your eyes for five minutes, walk round the block, or sleep on it. Think about whether you really want to say yes. Think about whether you’ve really got the time for it. Pausing before responding uses far less time than it takes to backtrack.

Photo: North CharlestonAre you always racing against time? Saying no more could be the solution (Photo: North Charleston)

3. Delayed response

“I’ll check and get back to you” is a great way to buy yourself some thinking time and avoid making an instant commitment you might regret. This gives you time to decide whether to say yes and also to decide when is a good time for you if you are committing to dates. Most people will accept this as an entirely reasonable response. It implies you are checking with your diary or another person. It doesn’t fix you to a timeframe by which you need to reply, and it buys you the thinking time you need.

4. Time out

When you turn off digital distractions such as email, your smartphone and social media, you’re saying no to people being able to contact you as and when they please. Instead, you’re deciding to show up online at a time convenient to you. This is a simple way to say no thanks to unwanted interruptions. Yet we don’t always make the most of our ability to be in control here. In my book, The Distraction Trap: How to Focus in a Digital World, I give advice on how to do this and how to be more productive in a digital world.

5. Would you do it tomorrow?

This is a great test of whether you actually want to say yes or no. Would you do it tomorrow, given the chance? If the answer is yes, then great, say yes. It shows you are enthusiastic about spending your time on this. If the answer is no, beware of saying yes. Just because you put something in your diary for three weeks’ time, it won’t become any more attractive by then.

6. On hold

Sometimes, what we need to say rather than no is not now. If someone approaches you with an idea, venture or suggestion that you are interested in, but you just don’t have the headspace to consider it because it’s a particularly busy time, say so. Be specific. For example: “This is a busy fortnight, please can you contact me again after June 27th”. This means it’s back on their To Do list and you can forget about it. If, instead, you try to tackle it there and then, you risk becoming overloaded, not doing a very good job, or making a bad decision.

7. You don’t need to know what the space is for

If you’re feeling overloaded and overwhelmed, then say no to the next commitment that is asked of you. You don’t need to know what the space you are leaving is for. Maybe you are going to fill the space with what seems like nothing – things like sleeping, stopping or having a rest. But these ‘nothing’ times are vital. They mean we can restore our energy and then enjoy the other things we have put in our diary. Nothing times mean we can rest and think and then be productive and innovative when we turn back to our work. If necessary write ‘nothing’ in your diary to make sure you leave the space.

8. Swerve time-wasters

Have you ever worked with someone who wasted endless amounts of your time even on simple tasks? People like this don’t value your time, or their own. So saying no to working with them at the outset will save you an awful lot of time. How can you spot the signs of this early on and avoid getting pulled in to a project with them?

Classic early signs of a time-waster are arranging an initial call or meeting and then cancelling it at the very last minute. Here, they’ve already wasted your time – you’ve prepared, arranged your diary to fit around the call or meeting, and perhaps even shown up in person. Yet they think nothing of re-arranging. Other early signs are that they say they will send documents by a certain time and then don’t, or that they send long rambling emails. Say no politely to the project, explaining for example, that your work commitments have changed (they have – you have just made yourself some valuable time you can now use!).

9. Always saying yes equals burnout

If you work for yourself – for example, as an entrepreneur or freelancer – there can be a temptation to say yes to every project and client, due to the fear that work will dry up. But never saying no can lead to exhaustion and burnout. It can also mean that while you are busy doing the ‘drudge’ work you never get round to the work that makes your heart sing, the reason you do what you do in the first place. Saying no can be really, really difficult in these situations – particularly if you don’t know yet what will come along instead. So you shouldn’t underestimate the powerful steps you are taking when you do say no. Every now and then, let go of the kind of work you don’t want to be spending your time on by saying no. You leave space then for stepping up, getting, and doing the work that really deserves your time.

10. “I’d love to, but …”

How do you go about saying no politely, protecting your time without offending other people? Here are a few suggestions.

“I simply haven’t got time right now.”

“I simply haven’t got time this week / month” (if you want to consider it next week/month)

“I’ll be back in touch after x, y, or z to sort something out” (for delaying)

“I’d love to but I’ve got other work/family/sporting commitments right now.”

“It’s a no I’m afraid. But thanks for asking me.”

Got a good suggestion? Heard a great no? Leave them in the comments box below…

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How it all began

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This weekend we celebrate the 4th birthday of our partner site, Make It In Design, a collaboration I established with designer Rachael Taylor back when e-courses were almost unheard of. We met with our lovely team for an awayday, to reflect on times past and to look ahead, and I felt incredibly grateful to our whole community for being part of this adventure of business and life.

Personally I am always fascinated by how businesses start and evolve, and collaborations are even more interesting to my nosy-parker self. How did they meet? Whose idea was it? Who does what? How do they make it work?

Well if you are a curious type like me, you might be interested in this interview with me and Rachael, all about how Make It In Design came about and how we have grown it to incorporate a design school with over 5000 students (who have created more than 100,000 designs) and a digital design magazine that has had over 2.5 million views!

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We also wrote a heartfelt open letter to our community recognizing that we can only do what you love because of you. We are truly grateful and committed to providing ongoing support to help you do what you love. You can read that letter here.

If you are a budding designer yourself, you might want to check out the 2016 Make It In Design Scholarship which has launched today, in partnership with Print & Pattern. It’s worth over $2000 – find out more here.

On a personal note, I am coming to the end of my maternity leave and am preparing for reentry in the next couple of weeks! I look forward to taking back the reigns of this weekly email, starting next week with quite a story.

Until then,

Beth

Our sister site Make It In Design is 4 years old – read the interview with our founders here

Celebrating Make it in Design’s fourth birthday, co-founders Rachael Taylor and Beth Kempton share their story of where and how it all began…  ~ By Lisa Moncrieff, Sales & Marketing Manager at Make it in Design

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Let me set the scene…

It’s five years ago in 2010. Beth Kempton is living in Leeds with her boyfriend, Paul. Beth has recently left the corporate world to set up her business, Do What You Love, which is going from strength to strength helping people all over the world to make positive changes in their lives. Beth is winning awards for her entrepreneurial talent and her online business is attracting the attention of key influencers, companies and media. Behind the scenes she is also working on a host of other exciting passion projects, including a first-of-its-kind creative and enterprise retreat scheduled for May 2011.

Meanwhile Rachael Taylor’s surface pattern design career is soaring. Enquiries, interviews and licensing deals are coming in left, right and centre. She’s proudly becoming a household name and is licensing designs to popular well-known brands around the world. Whilst building her own studio in Leeds, she’s busily preparing for two major shows, marketing her brand and forever living up to her name as the happiest person in the country on Twitter!

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Fast forward to present day and you’ll find two very remarkable ladies, now both married with children, living in opposite ends of the country, managing multiple businesses as well as their own special collaboration, Make it in Design.

The first ever course from Make it in Design—Module 1 of The Art and Business of Surface Pattern Design—kicked off on November 14, 2011. Since then over 5,000 creatives from 62 countries have graduated from Make it in Design e-courses, the online design magazine MOYO, co-founded by Rachael and Beth, has been viewed over 2.5 million times and there’s a dedicated team of five full-time staff working hard to make the magic happen.

Rachael and Beth’s journey has been fuelled by big dreams, passion, bravery, hard work, synchronicity and seized opportunities. Today, on Make it in Design’s fourth birthday, they share how it all began and what Make it in Design means to them…

Where and how did you two meet?

Beth: “I first came across Rachael when I bought an original screen print of hers at the Bowery, a café gallery in Leeds. I loved her work and wanted to know a bit more about the person behind them.

“After a little bit of research I saw how Rachael had bravely followed her creative dream by setting up her own label in 2008 and how happy and positive she was. It was a great fit with the Do What You Love ethos and I contacted her for an interview.” (You can read it here, the interview came out in December 2010)

Beth's first Rachael Taylor pieceThe original Rachael Taylor piece of art that Beth bought at The Bowrey

Rachael: “After I’d done the interview, Beth invited me to speak at the Do What You Love creativity and enterprise retreat she was hosting in Yorkshire the following year. We arranged to meet up to talk about it as we both lived in Leeds at the time. Although I didn’t have much experience of speaking in public at that point, I’ve always loved meeting new people and I knew that opportunities like this would raise my profile and stretch me as a designer. I jumped at the chance to be involved.”

Beth: “The creativity and enterprise retreat was a great success. Ahead of her talk Rachael pinned some of her early designs up on the wall alongside her physical products, to help illustrate the design process and show people how you go from sketch to shop floor. Everyone was fascinated to hear about the process. She also showed a small selection from her range of beautifully designed greetings cards, cushions, t-towels and other homeware pieces, which everyone loved. Everyone left feeling inspired, eager to create and wanting more information about becoming a surface pattern designer themselves. Somewhere a light bulb came on for me.”

Rachael: “Yes, it was so great. I remember it like it was yesterday! It was at the retreat we met you Lisa.”

(Who knew after attending the Do What You Love retreat, where I met Rachael and Beth for the first time, that three and a half years later I’d be Sales & Marketing Manager at Make it in Design!)

RT&BETHS-MUM_DWYL-RETREATRachael also joined in the delicate wax and wire sculpture class with Priscilla Jones at the retreat

What inspired you to start Make it in Design and how did the name come about?

Beth: “I’ve always had a secret desire to one day have my own line of stationery. I’d been considering doing a surface pattern design course myself and had even gone along to an open day at Leeds University to learn more about it and explore my options.

“But my options seemed quite limited. To do the degree course I would need to be in one place to attend classes, and would be required to work to a fixed schedule. With a business to run and a lot of travel on my plate, this wasn’t ideal. The course was also very expensive, as are all degree courses these days, and I wasn’t sure about making such a huge investment. I looked around for other alternatives and drew a blank. I parked the idea for a while, until I heard Rachael talking at the retreat and suddenly it made perfect sense. To create the exact course I wanted online, combining design and business, in a flexible way, with a much friendlier price tag than the cost of a degree. And so the idea for The Art and Business of Surface Pattern Design was born.

“It was June 2011, about two or three weeks after the retreat, that I contacted Rachael to see if she wanted to do something together. I knew how to set-up, manage and market e-courses, Rachael had the surface pattern design know-how, and we complemented each other perfectly. From my own experience I knew there was a big gap in the market for something like this, which had also been validated by the responses of those in the audience at Rachael’s talk at the retreat.”

Rachael: “I don’t think I even knew what an e-course was at the time and I’d certainly never written one before. I remember sitting with Beth at her kitchen table brainstorming the curricula for Modules 1-3, and planning to launch our first course just a few months later in the November of that year.

“I reflected on my own experience of all the things I’d learned through the years, from my early creative days, time at university and out in the real world. As Beth was new to the industry, she asked a lot of great questions—just the kind of things the students would want to know. You often don’t realise just how much you know and have picked up with experience. Before long there was so much content we both knew it was something that couldn’t be learnt in just a few weeks. That’s how all the different modules came about.”

Beth: “With regards to the name, the e-course was always going to be The Art and Business of Surface Pattern Design, it just seemed perfect for what the course covered—both the design side and the business side.”

Rachael: “Beth came up with the name, and I loved it, so that was it from the start. Make It In Design actually came a year or so later, when we decided to incorporate other elements of design into our resources.

“The more you can do as a designer the stronger and more confident you become. We knew that we wanted to support designers at all stages of their career, from those who were new to the industry to those who were already enjoying flourishing careers. We were keen to offer practical tips and advice to help them overcome any issues and raise their profile. And we also wanted to share their experiences and successes, and take all the lessons learned to inspire and motivate others on their journey to success.”

What was the first thing you did when you decided to collaborate and how did the first year go?

Beth: “The first thing we did was agree why we wanted to the course, then we developed our ideal customer avatar so we knew exactly who we wanted to support with our courses, and then created the curricula that would give them those results.

From then on it was a crazy journey of writing more material for each of the courses and networking with other relevant design industry professionals to balance the course material out. We were keen to share as much information, practical how-to guides and way forwards in the industry – things that have worked for others too.

“In the first year we ran Module 1 starting on November 14, 2011, and then Module 2 in February the following year and Module 3 in the April. The test really was in the first round of courses, if people weren’t securing jobs and felt ready to take on the world we knew we hadn’t done our job properly.”

Rachael: “We went on a work trip together to the Indigo and Premiére Vision trade shows in Paris in that’s where we met Stylesight (now WGSN).

“I remember walking out of that show and Beth saying to me “Let’s invest in Stylesight to give our students access to the best trend information in the world.’” And so we did! It’s now an invaluable part of our Module 3 and The Ultimate Portfolio Builder courses, as awareness of trends in this industry is so important – even if you don’t design to them being aware of them certainly is.”

Beth: “It was on the way back from this show that we had the idea for MOYO magazine, born out of a desire to raise general awareness of and interest in the world of surface pattern design. In August of 2012 our first issue was launched. Suddenly we were editors and publishers of an international design magazine.”

Can you name-drop some of your students?

Beth: “We’ve been so lucky from the start. Within a couple of hours of the first course going on sale we had 30 people sign up. By the end of the week we had more than 100. We knew then that we were offering something new and unique to the market, and that the demand was there. The feedback we’ve had ever since from the thousands of people who have passed through our virtual classroom doors has been incredible.”

Rachael:I remember nearly all of our students. Some of the names that stand out, including a number from the very first course we ran, are; Wendy Kendall, Mel Smith, Faye Brown, Katy Clements, Bonnie Christine, Deborah Valesquez, Susan Driscoll, Elizabeth Olwen and Mary Tanana.

We’ve had so many amazing students over the years and seen many unique styles. You know, in this industry, there really is room for everyone. That’s what I love about it.”

What’s the key to your partnership?

Beth: “We massively trust each other which is hugely important. Equally we both play different roles in the collaboration and we trust each others’ judgment based on our skills. We are always looking for the next opportunity, regularly update our courses so they are always fresh, and don’t stop learning. And we have had an official contract from day one. That’s really important.”

Rachael: “We also respect that we each also run other businesses too, and that time spent learning about other subjects, technology and ways to do things play a strong part in our future success.”

What have been your defining moments?

Rachael: “Seeing Wendy Kendall win the Wallpaper Design of the Year award, which was presented by Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, was a huge highlight for me.

Beth: “And I remember walking into Paper Tiger in Edinburgh and seeing cards on the shelf designed by Elizabeth Olwen. I immediately recognised the name and thought: ‘Wow! This is where the artwork from our students is going’. It was an incredible feeling.

I think for me, I am incredibly grateful that four years on we are still going strong, and continue to see outstanding still results from our graduates. Every student success story is a reminder of why we do it.”

Of all the feedback you’ve received what’s stood out for you the most?

Rachael: “I feel so lucky that we’ve enjoyed such wonderful feedback over the years. I remember in the early days someone fed back that there were too many exclamation marks in the course material and so we frantically went through every post in every course deleting them all!”

Beth: “Getting feedback is so important and we ask for this every time we run a course to make sure we’re delivering the right material, in the right way. We read every single comment and often make changes as a result of what we hear. We feel honoured and grateful to have had so fantastic feedback. I can count on one hand the complaints we’ve received. To have that few when we have worked with over 5,000 students is pretty remarkable. We really do listen and we really do care.

“One of the major things that helped the business grow further was feedback from students coming out of Module 3 saying they wanted more. So out of that demand The Ultimate Portfolio Builder was born. We’ve really put our heart and soul into it and attracted new teachers and partners to help deliver exclusive and incredibly valuable content. It’s still relatively early days for the course but early indications show that people are loving it!”

Rachael: “Our courses are constantly evolving as a result of the feedback we get and also as I am a working designer, when I learn new tips or techniques we update the course. We never stand still, as we want our courses to be the very best available, and always current.”

What have been the key things you’ve learnt along the way?

Rachael: “Ideas! I have so many it’s like I’m cheating on my husband with them! I get so excited by everything and so I’ve had to learn how to prioritise and realise that I don’t need to do everything at once, right now.

“I also think:

  • Push myself but be realistic
  • Better myself and be happy
  • I am just a normal person, like you. I can do anything I set my mind to if it inspires me.”

Beth:Celebrating and being thankful for all of the successes however big or small along the way is really important. And the power of community. The generosity and support in our private class groups never ceases to amaze me.

“Also, early on we realized that Rachael offers a particular doodle, fun and quirky style which wouldn’t be for everyone. So we tapped into Rachael’s design network to bring in a host of talented contributors to offer a balance. This was a valuable step to take and really added to the course.”

Rachael:As the business grew, we knew we couldn’t keep doing it all ourselves. Opening up the doors to new team members was pretty daunting but if you’re at capacity you have to accept that you need help.

“I first met Kelly when I was delivering a seminar at Leeds University. She came up to me at the end and asked a few questions. Kelly had distinctive and beautiful red hair and stood out from the rest.

“When Kelly finished university later that year, she emailed me to see if she could work with me in anyway. She’d received 1st class honours and when she emailed me she introduced herself as the red headed woman – I remembered her instantly. Kelly was the first one to join the team where she helped with the growing number of email enquiries and issue 3 of MOYO. She’s been designing with us ever since and she’s super talented.

“I met Vic (who’s now our Education and Resources Officer) several years ago when I was freelancing at Tigerprint. Vic was a Creative Technology Assistant Manager which involved looking after the website, blog and design competitions. I used to sit opposite her and she was so lovely.

“Vic used to support and promote our Make it in Design initiatives and she actually photographed some of my products in the early days. It’s great having her on the team now.”

What’s your biggest challenge?

Rachael: “Numbers! And I’m allergic to Microsoft Excel!”

Beth: “Staying current in a world that changes so fast. That’s why we invest many thousands of dollars in WGSN for our students, and are always looking into new ways to deliver content to bring our students the very best.” 

What has the business enabled you to do that you couldn’t do before?

Rachael: “At times I have been pushed further towards my limit and have faced fear head on. I’m constantly telling students to be fearless and just go for it – and I need to take my own advice too. I think it’s really important for me to let our students know just how much I learn from them too; it’s not just a one-way street. I’m constantly learning and adapting as a designer and picking up new techniques and design tips.”

Beth: “It’s really helped me to understand what creative women want which has helped my other business, Do What You Love, hugely. It’s helped me to be able to reach out to untapped talent, bring people together as a community and help move them forward when they feel stuck.

“Also, for me personally, Rachael has helped me to bring colour into my own life. Seriously, I used to wear black all the time, and now I hardly ever do. You’re much more likely to see me in lime green or coral!”

You both run other successful businesses in addition to Make it in Design. Many people wonder how you do it… how do you?

Rachael: “Surround yourself with positive people. Talk with your friends. Enjoy the little moments as well as the big successes and make sure that you’re always happy with everything you’re doing.

“Before having a baby it was really easy. I was super organised, focused and spontaneous. Now I have Blayke it can get really stressful. I often feel like I’m spinning too many plates and that I’m all over the place.

“I’ve learnt how to be more business savvy and strategic from Beth and I love this quote which I use at every opportunity: ‘You can do anything but not everything’.”

Beth: “Follow your instincts, trust your gut and go with the things that really matter.”

 

 

Do What You Love interview – Alexandra Frey & Autumn Totton

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Hollywood stars swear by it, companies like Google, Target and General Mills train staff in it, and schools are developing ways to teach it. Mindfulness is a hot topic these days and with studies showing that the benefits can enhance just about every aspect of your life, it’s no wonder everyone wants to give it a go.

Two people who are on a mission to make mindfulness mainstream are Alexa Frey and Autumn Totton. The pair met while studying and they went on to form The Mindfulness Project, a social enterprise which combines Totton’s business expertise and Frey’s experience in mindfulness, some years later.

Now, at their beautiful centre for mindfulness in Central London, the duo offer regular 8-week mindfulness based stress reduction courses, plus drop-in meditation classes, workshops, and seminars on mindful-living topics to help support everyone from new parents, to stressed out business people to those who are dealing with illness or bereavement. We hope you enjoy the interview. ~ Rachel

Mindful-176Autumn Totton (L) and Alexa Frey (R), Co-founders of The Mindfulness Project, believe that mindfulness has the capacity to change the world from the inside out

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A week in Rwanda…

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This is a guest post from Claire Le Hur who is cycling to China with her fiancé Stuart Block. The couple will start their journey in East Africa where they will follow new ‘silk roads’ charting the journey of key natural resources as part of an exciting new education project. Claire will be riding a bamboo bike, built by an African social enterprise and Stuart will ride a tandem, keeping the back seat free for those they meet en route. They will also be raising money and awareness for two great educational charities. Find out more about Claire’s big adventure here.

Claire Le Hur

In my last post I talked about the genocide memorial and this atrocity is still what many people think of when they think of Rwanda. And yet Rwanda is a beautiful and fertile country where 80 per cent of the children go to school and where littering is illegal. In fact people are so conscious of keeping their community clean that they spend the last Saturday of every month cleaning up their streets.

It is amazing how far Rwanda come in the last 20 years, but despite its progress there are still many big issues simmering beneath the surface that lead you to question if, and when, things might start to unravel again. For example:

  • 80 per cent of the population live on less than $2 per day, and 65 per cent on less than $1
  • freedom of speech is non-existent
  • disabled people are often exiled and there are stories of a ‘prison’ on Lake Kivu
  • despite the brilliant work by the Gacaca court to reconcile Tutsi and Hutu, many feel that there are still underlying tensions because most government and high paid jobs are now being taken by Tutsis and because many Tutsis still feel that revenge would be just.
  • Allegedly Rwanda is supporting the rebels over the border in DRC and there are some dubious dealings going on concerning the export of minerals and weapons.
  • President Kagame has worked wonders since the genocide, and while there is something to be said for a ‘benign dictatorship’, in 2017 he will stand for a third term – which is constitutionally illegal – and there is no opposition. Who knows what will happen at election time but hopefully the current climate in Burundi is not a hint of things to come.

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Be brave, rise strong, come alive

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Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending – to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how the story ends.” ~ Brené Brown, Rising Strong

This post is written by our Senior Editor, Rachel Kempton.

We know, from our own unique experiences and from the inspiring stories that are shared within our community, how much courage it takes to make your dreams come true – and how incredible it feels when they do.

Taking bold steps towards doing what you love is exciting, exhilarating and rewarding, but the journey there isn’t always easy. At times we can find ourselves feeling lost, confused and vulnerable – especially when we’re figuring out who we are, what we want and how we’re going to get there. We can find ourselves feeling stuck and afraid – paralysed by fear, past experiences or painful emotions. Or trapped – by people, circumstances, or by the stories we tell ourselves about our personal and professional struggles.

Yet when we are brave enough to look at our lives with clarity, understanding and compassion and challenge ourselves to rise through the pain of hurt, loss, falls and failure, we come alive. We move into a place of honesty and freedom: a place where we can live more truthfully and wholeheartedly and be the master of our own destiny.

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One lady who knows all about the role bravery plays in living life with wisdom and meaning is social scientist, thought leader and best selling author, Dr. Brené Brown.

Brené is one of our biggest role models and someone who has built her career on exploring the deep dark places that many of us fear to tread: the issues of vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame. They are issues that she has spent years researching and which have led her to a profound truth: Vulnerability – the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome – is the only path to more love, belonging, creativity, and joy.

Brené’s yearning to live a full and wholehearted life has inspired her three most recent books, which she sums up as:

  1. The Gifts of Imperfection – Be you.
  2. Daring Greatly – Be all in.
  3. Rising Strong – Fall. Get up. Try again.

 Rising Strong

We aren’t affiliated to this book; we are sharing it because we feel it is of value.

Overcoming the fear of failure

We can highly recommend all three books but if you have issues with failure (and who hasn’t?), Rising Strong is a must-read. In it Brené is open and honest about her own struggles, and how she worked through those to gain a better understanding of herself. She shares the idea that if, inevitably, we’re all going to stumble and fall, we shouldn’t be afraid to feel pain, hurt and discomfort. And that it’s the process of rising up again, regaining our footing in the midst of struggle, and dealing with our emotions that’s most important, as this is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. In her opinion: “Rather than gold-plating grit and trying to make failure look fashionable, we’d be better off learning how to recognize the beauty in truth and tenacity.”

According to Brené, regardless of situation or circumstance, the rising strong process is the same:

(1) The reckoning – walking into our story: recognise emotion and get curious about what we are feeling as this connects with how we think and behave.

(2) The rumble – owning our story: get honest about the stories we’re making up about our struggle/s and challenge them to determine the truth.

(3) The revolution – write a new ending to our story based on the key learnings from our rumble. Use this braver story to change how we engage with the world and transform the way we live, love, parent and lead.

In chapter one, The Physics of Vulnerability, Brené talks about the ten Rules of Engagement for Rising Strong, and I especially love number 9: Courage is contagious. By sharing her own stories Brené reminded me that every single one of us is vulnerable – regardless of who we are and what we’ve achieved. She goes on to say: “In my work I’ve found that moving out of powerlessness, and even despair, requires hope. Hope is not an emotion: It’s a cognitive process… hope is learned.”

“We can’t rise strong when we’re on the run” ~ Brené Brown, Rising Strong

This week we challenge you to think about how you can be braver in your own life: What are you most afraid of? What’s the story you’re carrying behind those emotions and experiences? Are you willing to question that story?

We hope that this book empowers you to rise strong, recognize your story, and rumble with the truth until you get to a place where you think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how the story ends. You can pick up your copy of Rising Strong here.

 

L.E.A.P.

Almost fearless

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This is a guest post by adventurer, author and motivational speaker Alastair Humphreys. Find out more about Alastair here.

Alastair Humphreys

“O wonder! How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world, that has such people in’t!” ~ William Shakespeare

It’s good to be almost fearless.

Many of the things that used to really frighten me don’t bother me at all anymore.

Most of us have been brought up, very sensibly, to worry a lot. Here are some of the issues that we like to have a good worry about:

  • Career progression
  • Earning as much money as our friends
  • Getting a decent Christmas bonus (a mixture of the two points above)
  • What people think about us
  • Wearing stylish clothes

In recent years I have not worried about any of these. (Those who know me will say I never paid much heed to the last one!). And the funny thing is that the less I care, the more I just concentrate on following my own path, doing what I care about and am passionate about, the more money I earn and the curve of my “career” progression steepens.

I’m aware that my “career” is an odd one, hence the quote marks. But the point is that by consciously choosing not to worry about all the things I was supposed to be worrying about, a lot of them simply slipped away. They didn’t really matter to me.

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Christmas for free! Join our experiment in giving and receiving

Image credit BHS

Image credit: BHS

It’s Beth here, easing my way back into things after four months of maternity leave. I have so much to share with you from that time, which has seen us welcome a new baby into the world, move house and work on some exciting plans, but I’ll save all that for the coming weeks (once I have caught up on some sleep…)

For now I want to say a huge thank you for all your kind words when Maia arrived. She is an angel baby who has melted our hearts.

I also want to invite you to be part of an experiment.

To Mr K’s dismay, the Christmas carols went on today. I know it’s only November, but I love Christmas, and in my eyes the longer I can eat mince pies, listen to ‘Silent night’ and dream of snow the better. I have been talking to members of my family about this Christmas, trying to find ways to make it special without spending a fortune. Besides the seasonal celebrations we have four birthdays and two wedding anniversaries in our immediate family, and December becomes a never-ending stream of gift exchanges. My sister-in-law suggested we give each other ‘free presents’, and I loved the idea at once.

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